Parents Need Support Too
Addressing Parent Overwhelm
Life was very busy for Laura. Between being a mother, spouse, employee, and caretaker of an ill family member, her plate was more than full—she felt overwhelmed. Having her attention pulled in many directions, Laura was not the parent she wanted to be with her six-year-old son. When addressing challenging behaviours, she often reverted to how she was parented as an authoritarian—impatient, irritable, and short when enforcing rules. This was contrary to how she wanted to parent, to be present, attuned, and attentive to her child. She noticed that her son was less interested in talking to and spending time with them, even though it was expected at his age. Instead, he was more interested in playing by himself. Laura had always wanted to be a parent, but it was not what she imagined it would be.
“Parents today often face many challenges that impede them in becoming the parent they want to be,” says Amelia Larson, Registered Clinical Social Worker and Approved Clinical Supervisor at As You Are Therapy & Consulting. “At the foundational level, our atomized culture diminishes the societal support systems that are needed for families to thrive.”
When parents lack support from extended family, friends, neighbours, or community, they feel isolated and must bear the full brunt of responsibilities. Raising children takes a lot of time, energy, attention, and resources, which is often more than what parents alone can provide.
“Frequently feeling tired, stressed, and overwhelmed are common among parents today,” Amelia says. “As a society, we need to do better at supporting parents.”
The ongoing demands from work, family, running a household, aging parents, and other needs and responsibilities takes a toll, and often leaves parents resource depleted when it comes to parenting. Parents need time and space to unwind and settle so that they can have the presence and patience needed to be attuned to their children.
An experienced family and parenting therapist can help parents understand and recognize when they are feeling overwhelmed. They can introduce tools and techniques that can assist parents to emotionally regulate and shift relational patterns to improve connection with their child. Strategies to foster and strengthen connection should be explored to empower parents with new ways of relating to their child/ren and spouse.
“When we have a different level of awareness, we are able to understand our own behaviours and make conscious choices to change them when they aren’t serving us,” says Amelia.
The evolving societal and technological landscape also adds to the demands on parenting. For example, smartphones have had a profound impact on society, disrupting our ways of communicating and relating. Although they have their place, the overuse of smartphones can pull us away from being present and available to our family. Along with its known dangers to children, boundaries and mindfulness is needed when it comes to smartphone use.
“As society changes, parenting needs to evolve,” Amelia says. “There are different complexities to growing up in society today which calls for new and innovative ways of managing the stresses and strains of developing families.”
A therapist can help parents develop a routine that aligns with their family’s values, needs, and circumstances. Ideally a routine that allows parents to dedicate time to be completely present with their children, while also dedicating time to themselves.
“Parenting is hard and there's a lot of judgment, shame, and guilt that comes with parenting,” remarks Amelia. “Parenting is one of the most important jobs, if not the most important job someone will ever have.”
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